laptop hell a.k.a. using cafes as your office

within the last couple of years, an alarming (to me, at least) trend has taken over the vibe of cafes.

when i first started *REALLY* getting into coffee--in my early teens, circa 1995--there were really only 2 types of coffee houses: the sterile environment of mega-corporation chains (or independants aspiring to BE like said chains), or the somewhat-inspired-by-"Friends"'s-central-perk-ish variety (funky artwork. oversized, mis-matched couches. loud conversations. poetry slams. etc.)

clearly, i preferred the latter.

since the ascent of FREE WI-FI, i have been hard pressed to find a locale that emulates those of my impressionable youth--> a cafe where awesome coffee is served, in a boisterous environment where people gather together, great music is played, and generally, the decor is cozy yet eclectic. what is left is a dismal, dreary, library-esque f eel to what would otherwise be great cafes. folks come in with their laptops (where i'm working right now, more than likely macs), buy a singular cup of coffee or similarly cheap item and camp out for endless hours!!! they are rude, sometimes even shush-ing chatty customers! WTF?!?!? they rarely tip (don't even get me started on the issue of tipping! it WILL be an entry in and of itself), and are general parasites, sucking up space, energy and the liveliness of the cafe.

which brings me to this article: STFU. I Bought Some Dang Coffee, and I'm Never Leaving This Cafe. (an excerpt i thoroughly enjoy follows right here--->) "While smaller, locally owned cafés (obviously) don't publish their financials, roughly speaking you can expect a return of about 70 to 80 percent on a cup of coffee or latté. That doesn't factor in other expenses the shop has, like rent and insurance and payroll. And a high-end cafe with great beans and skilled baristas will, oddly, often earn less overall than the place on the corner with the airpot full of hour-old brew that tastes like santorum."

while written in a style that is 95% tongue in cheek, what is alarming is that it TRULY echoes how the majority of customers feel. many don't stop to think of the difference between camping out at a crapfucks, or at a high-end, independent cafe. to spend anything less than $5 and sit long than an hour is a huge drain on the resources of any small cafe. sure every item bought generates a profit, but it is on that item ONLY. it does not factor in the cost of labour, of energy consumption (from their computers), turnover rate (or the impediment thereof), the destruction of social interaction, and even the effect it has on lowering the quality of work environment on the employees.

i understand getting out of the house to do work-- as i said in my last post, i *DID* just finish 2 years of graduate school. but being a fucking leech is UNACCEPTABLE. go to a library. pool resources otherwise spent on your low-cost item and sign up for an office share. curtain off a corner of your home/apartment/whatever an designate it as "office space".

so you may be asking yourself, baristachick, how can i help change this sad state of affairs? well: 1.go to cafes to interact. learn the names of the staff. ask them about why things are done they way they are (believe me, if you're going to a great cafe, the staff will LOVE to geek-out and tell you all about everything). ask them about THEMSELVES---> they are people too. 2. have loud conversations about interesting subjects at the cafe. don't let yourself be shush-ed. 3. engage your cafe neighbours in conversations. 4. don't be afraid to <> share tables. 5. keep your time there to a minimum if you can only afford to spend about $5. 6. bring new people into the cafe. talk it up. invite your friends/neighbours/co-workers/family. 7. ask the staff/owners what you can do to make the cafe thrive. share your ideas with them.

remember, you are in a public space. not a museum. signing off!

over-eager co-workers

sigh. normally, working with someone who was just a *tad* over-eager might not be that bad- beneficial even. their spunk would motivate me to crank up my energy or, at least, not let my early morning sass get in the way. BUT this morning, i am working with s. s. is waaaaaaaay bend-over-backward-eager-to-please. and it's grating and obnoxious. i want to throttle s.'s throat and say "grow a backbone!"

here's an example: customer walks up to the counter and both s. and i are working on making drinks. s. says "oh i am so sorry. we will be right with you in just one moment." waits like, 30 seconds and then states again: "be right with you." they got it the first time and hey- here's a concept- they can see we are making drinks. whoa. crazy that. said customer then orders a drip coffee (which we brew fresh, by the cup)--s. proceeds to apologize for how long it's taking, meanwhile, ignoring the next customers in line!!!!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!

stop apologizing and fucking do your job already!

i could give more examples, but right now, i need to go bash my head against the wall to keep sane.

sage advice

unless you are buying over $50 of coffee and pastries, never never NEVER pay with a hundred dollar bill before 2 pm!!!

that thing i hate

okay, not that thing, because it intitles it to being one thing, and one thing alone i hate. there are many things i hate. but only one i need to get off my chest, so i will stick to that. i digress...

it happened yesterday. i was working an opening shift which- i am convinced- is when all the weird ones come in. not once. not twice. but THREE times it happened. "what? what?" you may say. the thing i like to call: the utterly self-aware, particular customer.

"well, i hate to be so picky about my drink, but...". " i know i seem rather particular, but...". "you probably hate people like me being so specific...". yes. yes i do. especially when you. are. a. regular!!!

"you know, it's just you actaully make my drink the way i like it, unlike location X, and they're the roasters! it's like they don't care about what the customer wants, they only care about how it will ruin their roast profile." WELL DUH. you actually think a 'scoarchingly hot', half-caf cappucino mixing organic milk and nonfat(non-organic) brings out the best in what they roast? noooooo. and i only make it that way for you because, secretly, i enjoy hearing you bitch about how we are better than our bean supplier because we'll gladly destroy what *should* be a really tasty drink. :::sigh::: seriously.

i hate making your drink. i hate when any of you- regular or not- insists on listing more than 2 modifications to your drink and then chalk it up to being "particular" or "fussy". if you don't like the drink the way it's supposed to be, then, maybe you should just fucking switch to that chain who already makes their drinks scoarchingly hot. the point of a local, independant coffee house is not to coddle your concience, but to appreciate the fine art of what actually goes on: the notes and nuances of the bean, the silky-smooth microfoam, the latte art, the perfect right-away drinking temperature...

if you are going to be difficult- don't fucking apologize. we aren't going to like you anymore OR less by getting a qualifiers out of you. be an ass. at least then, we feel justified in frying the living hell out of the milk and pulling a shitty shot- because you asked for it- both literally and in your attitude.

otherwise, if you're all nice and apologetic, you make me feel like an ass for ruining what should be, a great cappucino.