over-eager co-workers

sigh. normally, working with someone who was just a *tad* over-eager might not be that bad- beneficial even. their spunk would motivate me to crank up my energy or, at least, not let my early morning sass get in the way. BUT this morning, i am working with s. s. is waaaaaaaay bend-over-backward-eager-to-please. and it's grating and obnoxious. i want to throttle s.'s throat and say "grow a backbone!"

here's an example: customer walks up to the counter and both s. and i are working on making drinks. s. says "oh i am so sorry. we will be right with you in just one moment." waits like, 30 seconds and then states again: "be right with you." they got it the first time and hey- here's a concept- they can see we are making drinks. whoa. crazy that. said customer then orders a drip coffee (which we brew fresh, by the cup)--s. proceeds to apologize for how long it's taking, meanwhile, ignoring the next customers in line!!!!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!

stop apologizing and fucking do your job already!

i could give more examples, but right now, i need to go bash my head against the wall to keep sane.

further thoughts on food

if you own a cafe and are going to have food-
our if you,too, are a barista and are avoiding the hassles of having to make sandwiches as well as killer espressos-
i can think of "one" exception that works:

*UNIQUE* food.

bear with me:

this "one" exception has multiple incarnations-

1) offer something kitschy- a la- twinkies, ding dongs, lil'debbie holiday cakes, hell- even fruit roll ups.
2) offer something LOCAL- homemade goodies, kick ass doughnuts from the vegan bakery around the corner, etc.
3) offer things in a wacky way- like one of my favorite encountered-on-vacation cafes (the beehive of pittsburg, pa) in a vending machine! not traditional vending machine fare, however. plus they offer goodies like gift certificates, decks of cards, smokes (at least, back in the day), bubbles... you get the picture.

i know. i know. many coffee shops are trying to diversify in this crap-tastic economy to stay afloat. but i think- in the long run- the more a cafe diversifies, the more it shoots ya in the foot. i mean do you REALLY want to make your employees not only sling crema-licious shots but also have to: put on soup, slice bread, make sandwiches, plate orders, warm up said sandwiches, toss salads, arange plates, decorate dessert plates, make milkshakes, and so on and so on and so on???

pretty soon, you won't even focus on the coffee and what's the point then?

thoughts on food

in my stunning barista "career" to date, i have worked at a grand total of 7 different coffee venues. i use the word venues because they differ so drastically i don't know how else to identify them: there was the college coffee house (a dark den of deliciousness), a small local roaster's teeny-tiny cafe, the only non-corporate coffee shop in my home town, the "drink station" at a local restaurant, the cafe section of a local bookstore, a totally awesome local roaster of single-origin coffee and the latest: another small, local coffee joint that offers pastries and the like.

one thing i have come to understand is that--in my opinion-- coffee and FOOD food, do *not* belong together. if you want soup or a sandwich, go to a restaurant. if you want coffee- go to a cafe. coffee shops should offer some things- for sure. small items, meant to compliment coffee, not meals in and of themselves. biscotti's okay. not my personal choice, but acceptable. muffins are alright. bagels are pushing it because then patrons will want cream cheese and peanut butter and jam and it's really just opening a whole new can of worms. but anything truly substantial should be verbotten!!!

sage advice

unless you are buying over $50 of coffee and pastries, never never NEVER pay with a hundred dollar bill before 2 pm!!!

monday, dreary monday....

it's dank and grey outside- wet, cold and absolutely miserable. you'd think it's perfect weather for business, but alas, on mondays people just don't want to get out of bed and drag themselves about for coffee...especially with such shit weather.

which, is actually okay. every once in a while i love having a day that is slow and lazy. where i can just sit down and enjoy a latte for *myself* (yes, shock there. i like to enjoy coffee too, not just make it for all the masses passing through). days like this are so few and far between that i think i'll just lap it up and relax.

that thing i hate

okay, not that thing, because it intitles it to being one thing, and one thing alone i hate. there are many things i hate. but only one i need to get off my chest, so i will stick to that. i digress...

it happened yesterday. i was working an opening shift which- i am convinced- is when all the weird ones come in. not once. not twice. but THREE times it happened. "what? what?" you may say. the thing i like to call: the utterly self-aware, particular customer.

"well, i hate to be so picky about my drink, but...". " i know i seem rather particular, but...". "you probably hate people like me being so specific...". yes. yes i do. especially when you. are. a. regular!!!

"you know, it's just you actaully make my drink the way i like it, unlike location X, and they're the roasters! it's like they don't care about what the customer wants, they only care about how it will ruin their roast profile." WELL DUH. you actually think a 'scoarchingly hot', half-caf cappucino mixing organic milk and nonfat(non-organic) brings out the best in what they roast? noooooo. and i only make it that way for you because, secretly, i enjoy hearing you bitch about how we are better than our bean supplier because we'll gladly destroy what *should* be a really tasty drink. :::sigh::: seriously.

i hate making your drink. i hate when any of you- regular or not- insists on listing more than 2 modifications to your drink and then chalk it up to being "particular" or "fussy". if you don't like the drink the way it's supposed to be, then, maybe you should just fucking switch to that chain who already makes their drinks scoarchingly hot. the point of a local, independant coffee house is not to coddle your concience, but to appreciate the fine art of what actually goes on: the notes and nuances of the bean, the silky-smooth microfoam, the latte art, the perfect right-away drinking temperature...

if you are going to be difficult- don't fucking apologize. we aren't going to like you anymore OR less by getting a qualifiers out of you. be an ass. at least then, we feel justified in frying the living hell out of the milk and pulling a shitty shot- because you asked for it- both literally and in your attitude.

otherwise, if you're all nice and apologetic, you make me feel like an ass for ruining what should be, a great cappucino.