A Tale of Two Mochas

sorry i've been away awhile. life has a funny way of well---getting in the way, you know???

first off- about the mochas where i work...they don't use syrup. we make a mixed, powered blend out of 3 dark chocolates and one milk chocolate and melt it into the milk. it's amazingly derlicious. that being said, here are two tales of mocha woes from yesterday.

tale #1: "please? can i have some more?"

a lady walks in and declares ours are the best, most fabulous mochas in the whole world and that one is not enough. i agree- not because i particularly like mochas, but because i'm nice like that. she asks if there is any way she can get more, because 12 oz. just isn't enough and she drinks it down in 30 seconds flat. i say, well, you can get two. she points to the 16 oz to-go cups and asks, can i just get it bigger? i sigh (inwardly) and reply- i'm sorry, but all our drinks are one size (believe me- it's a blessing! one size. no fuss.) and the mocha is formulated to be 12 oz. because the amount of chocolate we use is perfectly suited to the amount of milk and blahblahblah putting it in a 16 oz. cup would not be the same. she tries a different approach and asks well can i pay for two and you just put it in a lrger cup? i say, yes you could, but you'd be paying for an ADDITIONAL 12 oz. of mocha and only getting 4 oz. extra, i'd feel mighty bad about that. and by this point she's rather agitated but acquiesces and and says: fine, that's fine i just want more. so i begin making it and she stops as i'm about to put the second shot in the 16 oz. cup and *yells* i told you in 2 cups! :::sigh::: people.

tale #2: "less filling? tastes great!"

an adult mother/daughter combo walk in and are looking around- reading the menu, talking to each other in hushed tones when the daughter asks me do you have anything chocolate without sugar or using natural sugar alternatives like stevia? okay..... well- i reply--our mocha has no **added** sugar. (our hot cocoa does- and plenty of it) she looks at me quizzically. what do you mean by no added sugar? well, we make our own chocolate mix for our mochas- it has 3 dark chocolates ranging from like 65%-72% and one milk chocolate. the only sugars that are in it are the sugars that are already in the chocolate. everything else has additional sugar added if it has chocolate. the mom and daughter debate awhile about it and decide if they share it, it will be okay. so i make them a mocha and watch as they drink it, seeing how they react. so far so good. after finishing it, they both rave about how AMAZING it was. then the daughter (as they are walking out the door) turns back to me and asks do you know how many calories are in that drink we just had? ?!?!?! buh what? um.... i could figure it out if you wanted, it might take awhile. she gets a look of shock on her face you mean they don't teach you those things? i reply, dumbfounded that, no, they don't. and she walks out.

why would we want to figure out how many calories are in a mocha?! you get a mocha because you want to enjoy a mocha! not because you're counting calories!!!!

shock and :::Gasp!::: outrage

sometimes, interactions with customers rub me the wrong way and leave me feeling morally dirty. i'm not talking black-and-white, cut-and-dry, right-and-wrong dirty, but the kind of dirty that comes from having to enforce stupid policies you don't personally believe in.

like, not even 10 minutes ago, a middle aged customer got really upset and in my face over the fact that we charge extra for Organic milk.

1. believe me lady, i'm upset too! i think it's ridiculous to make people pay extra for making a choice that is better for them, for farmers, for cows and for the environment.

2. NOT MY POLICY. it's not my fault- i didn't come up with the idea. but while we're at it, why aren't you upset that we also charge extra for soy milk??? i know i am.

3. it *does* cost us more. i don't have access right now to the invoices for our milk delivery, but i know it costs us more to buy Organic than conventional, and while i think it's incredibly stupid to charge extra for it---it makes sense from a consumerist/ capitalist viewpoint. seriously.

there are many places around here that have similar practices, and, while i hesitate to use that as an excuse, it's not as if this is a novel idea- charging extra for "premium" ingredients... when you go to the supermarket, it costs more for Organic than conventional, why shouldn't it at your local, friendly, neighborhood coffee shop??? (again, from the consumerist/capitalist viewpoint...not my personal one)

and while i feel your pain and even understand it. ma'am; it's truly unfair to take it out on someone who (believe me) has TRIED to get that changed but seriously doesn't have the power or the say to make it happen....

that thing i hate

okay, not that thing, because it intitles it to being one thing, and one thing alone i hate. there are many things i hate. but only one i need to get off my chest, so i will stick to that. i digress...

it happened yesterday. i was working an opening shift which- i am convinced- is when all the weird ones come in. not once. not twice. but THREE times it happened. "what? what?" you may say. the thing i like to call: the utterly self-aware, particular customer.

"well, i hate to be so picky about my drink, but...". " i know i seem rather particular, but...". "you probably hate people like me being so specific...". yes. yes i do. especially when you. are. a. regular!!!

"you know, it's just you actaully make my drink the way i like it, unlike location X, and they're the roasters! it's like they don't care about what the customer wants, they only care about how it will ruin their roast profile." WELL DUH. you actually think a 'scoarchingly hot', half-caf cappucino mixing organic milk and nonfat(non-organic) brings out the best in what they roast? noooooo. and i only make it that way for you because, secretly, i enjoy hearing you bitch about how we are better than our bean supplier because we'll gladly destroy what *should* be a really tasty drink. :::sigh::: seriously.

i hate making your drink. i hate when any of you- regular or not- insists on listing more than 2 modifications to your drink and then chalk it up to being "particular" or "fussy". if you don't like the drink the way it's supposed to be, then, maybe you should just fucking switch to that chain who already makes their drinks scoarchingly hot. the point of a local, independant coffee house is not to coddle your concience, but to appreciate the fine art of what actually goes on: the notes and nuances of the bean, the silky-smooth microfoam, the latte art, the perfect right-away drinking temperature...

if you are going to be difficult- don't fucking apologize. we aren't going to like you anymore OR less by getting a qualifiers out of you. be an ass. at least then, we feel justified in frying the living hell out of the milk and pulling a shitty shot- because you asked for it- both literally and in your attitude.

otherwise, if you're all nice and apologetic, you make me feel like an ass for ruining what should be, a great cappucino.